The Test-ees (Sorry, I had to use that title... it made me giggle)

There is a particular family at our church that continually "tests" us. That makes my husband and I the "test-ees". What a title. I'm putting that on my business card.

They will miss a week and then wait to see if we call. We are getting to the size now that, unless someone tips us off, there's no way we'd know (especially my husband and me... on a Sunday morning... it's crazy for us just trying to shake hands and meet as many people as we can) and they might be missed. But we don't call every family that misses a Sunday... then of course... every family isn't testing us.

They don't like that we take an offering... they don't like how often we take communion... they are one of the two feuding families at our church... oh, and they're mad at my husband for not intervening in a situation sooner when he suggested that they follow the Biblical guidelines and talk to the other family on their own first.

Are we perfect? By no means. But are we doing our best to bring glory to God? Absolutely. Do things fall through the cracks? As much as we try not to let them... of course they do... we're human.

Between this family and my bi-polar bear (who I have to meet with next Monday night... really looking forward to that one), I am ready to throw in the towel... but I know I can't. NO one told me there would be so many difficult people- though I guess I knew it. There is just no way we can ever live up to everyone's expectations. I'm starting to get that and let more and more roll off my back- it's just hard to be so dang nice all the time.

I know Who we have to please. I pray He is satisfied with our efforts.

Father, help us to model You. Shower us with your wisdom, strength, and a vigorous sense of humor so we can laugh when we need to. And I need to tonight.

My verse for 2009 is:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:9-10

I had a small epiphany during services today. It's funny because it's all stuff I already knew... I've been a Christian practically all of my life... things just hit me in the head today- and it happened to be while I was listening (for once). Usually, when things knock me in the head... I just wonder where the bruise came from... today I was fully present and I know that I heard from God. Here is what he said to me:

"Stop being a big fat whiny baby. Stop coming up with excuses as to why you aren't fit for where I've placed you. I have you here for a reason... accept it. Work it. Use it for My good. Stop complaining- your weaknesses only show My strength and your self-perceived inadequacies don't matter. You are where you are for this season- don't bury the talents you were given in the ground. Honor me and I will honor you."

I've had serious adjustment issues with becoming a pastor's wife. We made the switch into ministry in October of '05, so I'm going on a little over three years now... internally rebelling all the way. I really liked being a cop's wife. There was a certain amount of security there... certainly more money... and a lot less expected of me.

I didn't feel like I was living in... well... a fish bowl (HEY- what a great name for a blog!). I have felt so much pressure, constant scrutiny. I have never felt so... imperfect and weak. Both physically, mentally, and emotionally. But yeah, that verse got to me today... and during Communion... I heard from God.

I know that what has been asked of me is nothing compared to the sacrifice that Christ made... and He certainly wasn't a big fat whiny baby.

So I'm going to do my best. I'm stepping up to the plate, Lord. And I'm going to swing for the fence. Your grace is sufficient for me.