Frickety Frick Frick FRICK!

So if you aren't comfortable hearing about my hormones, stop here. Fair warning.

Ok, I'm ticked off. I have Lupus- systemic (internal) and discoid (skin rash). Generally, it sucks, but I was diagnosed at 18 and am used to living with it, managing it, and listening to my body. It's either listen to what my body is telling me or or wait a little too long when I haven't been feeling good for a while and experience something like losing kidney function or having my liver shut down (both of which I experienced in the first 10 years with separate Lupus flare-ups). By the way, that's how Lupus works... it's either quiet or it's flaring up. The flares include increased arthritis, fever, funky stuff going on with my blood that makes me sick, fatigue, my immune system eating itself and the infamous butterfly rash across my face. When I have a flare, it can literally take months for things to calm down again- I've been sick for a couple of years straight at times with symptoms full time.

I have been basically symptom-free for about two years- I came completely off steroids, have had no rash on my face, minimal arthritis... very few complications. It has been amazing. And it's over. I'm praying that it's for just a short while... that this flare disappears in the two months it took to develop.

The reason it's over? I trusted my ob-gyn. And my rheumatologist. I've been fighting terrible hormone swings for a year or so- severe depression inducing drops off the hormonal cliff. My doc assures me I'm not even close to menopause at 40- but that at this age, with your cycle, hormones surge and drop each month. Yaz, I was assured by both doctors managing me would not affect my Lupus at all and would help with the hormonal swings. This is also my fault... I didn't do any research myself. I should know better by now.

It took two months to prove that wrong. I'm in a full flare-up complete with butterfly rash that goes all the way up on my scalp. When I finally started analyzing what had changed and when I started feeling bad- it began with the Yaz.

When I put this together, I started doing my own research and most of it specifically mentions the possible exacerbation of Lupus. AAAGGGHHHHH. This was so avoidable. I fully believe that. Why would they risk this? Why would I have risked this and not researched it myself?

I stopped the Yaz last night, as soon as I put all of this together- but it's too late. I can only pray that as it leaves my system over the next couple of months, that the flare up does as well. I'm so angry and frustrated, mainly with myself, for having to learn this lesson AGAIN. Pray with me?