coming out of one stressful week and into another. i don't want to whine in public or to my husband.
did you ever not want to open your email because you knew it would be one barrage after another of people needing things from you? and your voicemail? sometimes, i think i'm at my limit of niceness, but i'm not allowed to be.
i know i'm just "people-d out." we had friends from another town spend the night Saturday night- stayed up late- went to church Sunday- and then i had lunch for them and another couple. so i was "on" for about 24 hours straight. that wears me out.
and here's my week:
today- work until 3- then go help with a funeral dinner.
tonight- women's ministry meeting at my house.
tuesday all day- staff planning meeting.
wednesday- work and new bible study starting at 7pm at my house.
thursday- work all day and mission trip meeting at 7pm at my house.
friday- couples group at 7pm at my house.
saturday- host a shower for a girlfriend.
i think i'm in a funk because there is NO light at the end of my tunnel this week.
how horrible is it to say that i'm dreading Easter and i'm already pre-dreading Christmas? and if pre-dread isn't a real state of being... then i am officially making it one here and now.
i have piles of work on my desk including one huge project- and no desire to tackle it. which is, i guess why i'm blogging/whining right now. i don't have it in me to keep this pace- i don't want to. i acknowledge that and then i immediately feel guilty for not doing what God has called me to do without complaining.
my inlaws have been with us for about a month now. it's still ok- no personality conflicts, etc... except for the fact that they are always upstairs with us- there is no time for our little family unit to be alone. we have a HUGE tv downstairs, but his mom has to watch the little screen that is upstairs where we are. they stay upstairs with us all day and don't go down until midnight or so.
i asked my husband if we moved the little tv to the kitchen if that might make them watch and hang out more downstairs and he said, "They would probably just hang out closer to the kitchen and watch from there." so that doesn't seem to be a solution. and, what message would moving the tv send? father-in-law is easily offended. i have never had to worry about moving a tv in my own house before.
i guess we are going to have to go to our bedroom to have a private conversation.
is it ok to say that i'm not enjoying this? ministry and the stresses of life? just looked at the calendar to see if these were irrational pms feelings... and unfortunately, no... they're real.
what do i do with this, God?
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2 comments:
Yes, it is ok to say it. Is it ok if I join you? I'm right there with you sister fish. 28 years of being a pastor's wife and I. WANT. OUT! Not out of my marriage..I love my man...but out of the pastorate. I'm tired...just so tired of "not being allowed"...to be angry, to be hurt, to be honest, to say NO! I'm sick to death of hearing church after church say, "we want a pastor who loves God's Word and is not afraid to step on some toes" (I hate that), until it's their toes that get stepped on! Then there is hell to pay....literally. I hate having to guard my heart against "God's people" knowing I can really trust no one. I could go on...boy could I go on. I appreciate your honesty and love the fact you have the guts to come here and vent. Thanks for giving me a place to come and "pre-dread" with you!
Oh- so glad someone else feels this way! Maybe I'm not going to hell after all! ;) Sometimes I long for the days of his having a "regular" job... of MY having a "regular" job. Today I ignored every call that came to me cell because I thought if one more person asked one more tiny thing of me- I would implode. Or just head to the beach... and I live in Colorado so that would be a LOONG drive! I'll pray for you and you pray for me, ok? Bless you, TammieFay! :)
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