Irrational Fears

#1. The Moth.

I couldn't sleep last night. I have a nagging knee injury awaiting surgery that, if I don't properly medicate before bed, keeps me from sleeping through the night. I was snuggled in bed around 11 last night after a pre-Memorial Day BBQ when I realized that I had not taken my magical sleep medication that helps me sleep through the pain. I was so cozy and tired that I thought, "I'm so cozy and tired that I really don't want to get out of bed to take my magical sleep medication. I'm exhausted and I bet I'll sleep like a baby." Wrong.

So I get up at 3am hurting and unable to sleep. I contemplate taking the magical sleep medication. If I did, I would sleep through most of the day today, and I didn't want to do that... I have flowers to plant, darnit. So I got up, went to the kitchen and took 800 mg. of Ibuprofen and got back in bed waiting for it to kick in. I thought I'd read to pass the time, so I turned on my cute little bedside lamp. I had been reading for all of about 5 minutes when the uninvited guest showed up.

I know exactly why I'm terrified of moths. I made the mistake of watching one of those emergency room real-life medical dramas on TLC years ago. Usually I LOVE those shows... the gorier or stranger the injury, the better... bring on the blood! Unfortunately, I happened across the episode where a sweet little lady was sleeping and a moth crawled into her warm and cozy ear. When she awoke, justiafiably freaked out, she tried to get him out and he burrowed deeper and deeper into her ear. She called her husband who tried to get him out with a pair of tweezers and still he burrowed deeper. Until he was burrowing against her inner ear- making her dizzy and probably scrambling her brain. She ended up in the emergency room where a doctor tried and tried with no success to get the moth out. The sweet little lady began to freak out more because she could feel him wiggling around inside her head, getting cozier by the minute. The doctor eventually had to stick a needle in her ear and inject the moth with valium and put him to sleep and then pull him out piece by little moth piece.

Ever since then, I can't sleep on my side unless whichever ear is facing up is covered with my hair. I know it's weird, but what if there is a moth in my immediate proximity looking for a cozy new condo? Mine is NOT for rent.

So I'm reading, enjoying my book at 3am, waiting to fall back to sleep... and a moth flies in. I get really, irrationally angry at the moth for ending my reading session, because now, I'm still wide awake, and I have to turn off the light quickly so he doesn't come any closer, close my book, and dive under the covers. I figure with a moth that close to me and eyeing my ear canal, going under the covers was much safer than merely covering my ear with my hair. So I laid awake, under the covers, for another 20 minutes, fuming at this moth.

Unfortunately, my Irrational Fear #1 (The Moth) was complicated by my Irrational Fear #2- Breathing Warm Air Under The Covers (you never know what kind of warm air you're going to get under the covers in the bed I share with my husband). In this instance, self-preservation took over... that is why all of my Irrational Fears are ranked... so that if more than one Irrational Fear is involved in any given situation and I must think quickly, I know that the lower the number... the higher priority of that particular Irrational Fear.

How did this end, you ask? Well, as far as I can tell, my condo(s) remain unoccupied and I finally fell asleep around 3:30 with an angry expression on my face (I can only assume it was angry as it was also very dark under the covers and the only person I could ask was snoring loudly, completely unaware of my terror). Some day, I will discuss my Irrational Fear #2 and what brought me to that horrific realization... but alas, that is a post for another day. Tell me I'm not alone and that you have Irrational Fears too...

Happy Memorial Day!