Always "ON"

I think my OFF switch is broken.

My husband doesn't have an off switch... he thrives on being "ON". He's an "ON" kinda guy.

I keep telling God that he surely made a mistake in the making of me- seeing as he knew ahead of time (and didn't do ANYTHING to stop it, mind you) that I would eventually go from being a married pregnant teenager lucky to finish high school to a pastor's wife. The mistake being that my OFF switch is permanently set to ON in this new position of a little over three years now. I tried to get His attention about a year into the ministry... letting him know that my OFF switch was broken... that I was rebelling a little (ok, I got a tattoo at 38)... but I think He just smiled at me and said, "Hey, nice tat. That's really going to speak to the wayward souls you'll be reaching! I can use that!"

For a person who revels in her "offness", the permanancy of my need to remain ON for the masses is truly exhausting. Sundays, especially when there is an event following church, are the equivalent of running a marathon for me. Not that I'm whining... I know God has placed me here- and he is working through my husband- and through me... I couldn't, no wouldn't be doing this otherwise. I am going with His plan.

But, I love my bed. You see, the bed (mine in particular) is the universal symbol of the "OFF" switch... and I love my bed. I especially love reading a book in my bed surrounded by pillows. I love peace and quiet... and being left alone. I love my family and our lack of huge problems... apart from the regular little day-to-day stuff. I love hanging out with my dog- who never burdens me with her problems, by the way, and I love being alone. I don't have a lot of friends I talk to honestly- though I have a million that I talk with every day... and honestly, sometimes... people bother me. There are days that I don't like them all that much. And this can be a problem because, you see,

My OFF switch is broken. It's hard to lay in my comfortable bed with the softest sheets in the world and read my favorite book surrounded by pillows and my quiet dog when I have to be ON for all the meetings and people with problems who need things all of the time. Even when I am laying in bed the phone is ringing or the door is being knocked upon and even if it isn't.... I'm waiting for it to. Which kind of ruins me enjoying what is supposed to be my OFF time.

Can I just say it? I want my switch fixed. I want some defined time for me and my family. I'm tired of people. There. That makes me feel a little better. It doesn't fix anything, but I feel slightly naughty having said it and THAT makes me feel better. :)