Ugh. She's back. And I've allowed her to ruin my day... again. I know. I can't take it personally... it's her illness- she's both bi-polar and paranoid.
But I'm human and the unwarranted, irrational criticism is getting to me. Her husband told me that she has fixated everything that is wrong in her life onto me. great. She continually misinterprets my words and my motives and chooses to believe the worst of me.
She didn't come to church today because she's mad at me and once again, took something I said and twisted it completely around. Her husband said he couldn't even be seen talking to me or there would be hell to pay. He felt horrible telling me this stuff, and he believed my explanation of the conversation that took place between his wife and me- but he has to live with her, and he could never publicly take my side (nor do I think it would be right for him to do that against his wife)- but he asked me if I would consider going to her... again... and try to patch things up so that his family could come to church together.
It's so not fair. Can I just whine for a minute? I'm so tired of having to be the one to grovel when I haven't DONE anything... how can I even explain it? I've had to do this continually with this woman, and it's never going to be enough. I could go into details here to explain what was said and how it was misinterpreted... but it doesn't even really matter. She's so irrational and so eager to believe the worst of me.
I'll try to talk with her and patch this up and maybe I'll succeed... but in two week's time, she'll be angry at me again for something else. I read a blog today that helped (thanks Kem)- about emotional endurance... and a friend gave me a positive way to look at this as well: as long as I'm her target... as long as she's fixated on me... she isn't pushing it off on someone else like her saint of a husband or her teenage daughter. That helped a little too... but just might give me a martyr complex. :) just kidding.
I know I have to talk to her but I really don't want to. I'm going to wait a day or so to get my head together. I'm also thinking that I shouldn't meet with her or talk to her without a witness because she twists everything I say.
It's kind of funny because I keep thinking, "I was voted "most popular" twice in high school! How is it that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I cannot win in this situation? Anyway... pray for me. Before I talk to her, I need to be able to see her with God's eyes and love her with His heart. That sounds like a tall order to me, but I know He's big enough to fill it.
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3 comments:
This is a difficult situation. I have been in similar situations and it feels like a 'no win'! Some people will not be happy - no matter what. I often think about the verse that says "as much is it up to YOU, be at peace with everyone" (this is a rough translation) ha
I am reminded that it in not always in my control if people are at peace with me! I pray and do what I feel is right, but some people look for problems - no matter what I do or how charming I am. :-)
It still drives me crazy sometimes because I like to see people happy and, many times, their anger seems so unjustified.
p.s. this is a frustrating situation - but your title is funny! :-) I enjoy reading your thoughts.
Jill S.
Thanks so much for your encouragement Jill. I appreciate you!
Wow, sorry about the trouble with Ms. Bear.
Do you think God places these "thorns in our flesh" to expand our already stretched out humility and ability to forgive?
Doesn't keep it from sucking, though.
Praying for you. And Oh so thankful for your transparency.
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