Wounded but not down for good.
Just got official word. Our son can't come back this semester which is not what we were expecting. He's devastated all over again, but I am brought back to Isaiah 55:9- "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Please pray for our son Hunter- that he'll be willing to listen and learn what God is teaching him during this time.
Pray for sanity in our continually crowded house and inside my head. :) Pray that we all stay on the same team.
Thanks and love you guys.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Zzzzing! That's the sound of a bullet flying by...
A bullet that it's looking like God allowed us to dodge. After having talked to the school officials today, it looks like my kid is going to get to return to school in the fall... no final, FINAL word yet... but it looks positive. Praying like crazy!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Prayer. You & me. Right Now.
Youth Sunday at our church has come and gone for another year- a great day for our YG and a horrible day for a neighboring church's. Their Youth Pastor was let go- and this is like the 5th in as many years. The poor kids just have time to forge a bond and inevitably between year one and two- he's let go by the pastor.
We now have another batch of hurt, confused kids in town. Our youth pastor knows to expect an influx of hurting kids- which has also been the pattern. The kids were told tonight, out of the blue, that their YP had been fired for "insubordination and innapropriate behavior." The hurting kids that showed up at my house afterwards (my son attends this yg as well, so a whole herd came over) said they are starting to realize that the problem isn't with the youth guys... it's with the senior guy. Kids aren't stupid.
Pray with me for them? There's a history of this particular church refusing to be involved with us and actually not allowing their kids to attend our church at all- they actually have to sign a contract if they're on the youth leadership team that they won't attend any other youth group (we're the only other one in town). We have tried repeatedly to end this spirit of competition with no luck... with shared activities, service projects, etc... Pray that the new guy is someone who will work with us to reach the youth of this area- we need all the help we can get- not a nasty spirit of competition. And pray that God will work in his church and fix whatever the problem is... no matter how high up it is.
On the homefront, my husband and son get home from a ten day mission trip on Tuesday evening- and we have to hit it hard to find out what's going on with my son's school situation... whether we'll be packing him up and shipping him off to Missouri again or looking for a job around here. Please pray that he accepts whatever God's plan is for him and is open to where God leads and doesn't try to force issues on his own. Pray his heart was touched in Bolivia. Pray that THIS was rock bottom and that God has a moldable heart to work with. Pray for wisdom for my husband and I as we try to parent this almost-grown 20-year-old.
Now, how can I pray for YOU? Please let me know!
We now have another batch of hurt, confused kids in town. Our youth pastor knows to expect an influx of hurting kids- which has also been the pattern. The kids were told tonight, out of the blue, that their YP had been fired for "insubordination and innapropriate behavior." The hurting kids that showed up at my house afterwards (my son attends this yg as well, so a whole herd came over) said they are starting to realize that the problem isn't with the youth guys... it's with the senior guy. Kids aren't stupid.
Pray with me for them? There's a history of this particular church refusing to be involved with us and actually not allowing their kids to attend our church at all- they actually have to sign a contract if they're on the youth leadership team that they won't attend any other youth group (we're the only other one in town). We have tried repeatedly to end this spirit of competition with no luck... with shared activities, service projects, etc... Pray that the new guy is someone who will work with us to reach the youth of this area- we need all the help we can get- not a nasty spirit of competition. And pray that God will work in his church and fix whatever the problem is... no matter how high up it is.
On the homefront, my husband and son get home from a ten day mission trip on Tuesday evening- and we have to hit it hard to find out what's going on with my son's school situation... whether we'll be packing him up and shipping him off to Missouri again or looking for a job around here. Please pray that he accepts whatever God's plan is for him and is open to where God leads and doesn't try to force issues on his own. Pray his heart was touched in Bolivia. Pray that THIS was rock bottom and that God has a moldable heart to work with. Pray for wisdom for my husband and I as we try to parent this almost-grown 20-year-old.
Now, how can I pray for YOU? Please let me know!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A few updates...
1. I never gave my "friend" the letter I wrote. I revised it more and more even after I posted it here... softening it each time... and I ended up not giving it to her at all. I felt in my heart that she was too upset at herself- and i didn't want to make it worse. I'm sure she's heaping on enough guilt for the both of us and who am I to cast the first stone? I'm no better than she is. My husband talked has talked with her several times and she is all but suicidal. I don't want to make it any worse. She's supposed to be going into christian counseling. I did text her and tell her that she needed to be in church- whether it was ours or another one. Not sure if I'm going to contact her again or not- I don't know what God wants me to do. I'm through the anger; I've forgiven her... I simply don't want to be around her. I'm afraid God is going to ask me to walk with her through this... in fact, I'm pretty sure He is. And that makes me a little sick to my stomach. So I'm working up to it.
2. Still no word on whether or not my son can return to school in the fall... I have a feeling it's going to be a down-to-the-wire, last minute decision. He has a professor that has agreed to be his accountability partner and has lobbied on his behalf to the Dean of Students. We did find out that whenever he is able to return, it will be on probation and he will have to submit to on-campus counseling for a year. I feel that even if they don't let him return right away... I'm ok with that now. I want there to be consequences... just not life-ruining ones, if at all possible. I'm counting on God's amazing ability to redeem all things. I know this isn't too big for Him. I go back and forth between being the loving mother wanting to rescue my son from what he's done to being the angry parent who wants to shake him so hard that his brains get knocked back into place. Is there such a thing as "Shaken 20-year-old" Syndrome? I want this lesson burned into the core of his being. Hopefully, I don't kill him in the meantime.
3. My mini-vacation at my mom's house was wonderful... and I'm just beginning another break ordained by God. My husband and oldest son are on a mission trip to Bolivia for the next ten days; my mother-in-law leaves Tuesday for 12 days to go take care of my baby nephew, and my father-in-law leaves Thursday for 10 days to go to Egypt with my nephew on his senior trip. That leaves just me and my 15-year-old, blissfully alone. Ahhhh.... breathing room.
4. I gave a burden to God that I'm working really hard at not taking back. It's so tempting. Please pray for strength for me.
5. This is going to sound really weird and random, but I'm going to write a novel. I found this awesome writer's website: www.nanowrimo.org. This seems really fun to me... and I'm allowed to procrastinate until November! I'm only telling you here because it's my public commitment. As the website says, "National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30." I'm kicking a story around in my head already... and I am going to work on an outline and start on some research soon. I have to research... ah-hem... artificial insemination and all that goes along with it. Intrigued? ;)
6. Out of the blue, our church land was paid off. It completely took us all by surprise- it was the dying wish of an elderly woman (who had never been to our church) who's adult children have attended since our launch. My husband went to sit with her several times before she died and had no idea she was going to do this. God. Is. Amazing. His confirmation continues to whisper in my ear that we are doing what He wants us to do, even though it's scary. I guess if it wasn't scary, it would be something we could've done on our own... and there's no chance of that here.
Blessings on you all~ and thank you for your prayers.
2. Still no word on whether or not my son can return to school in the fall... I have a feeling it's going to be a down-to-the-wire, last minute decision. He has a professor that has agreed to be his accountability partner and has lobbied on his behalf to the Dean of Students. We did find out that whenever he is able to return, it will be on probation and he will have to submit to on-campus counseling for a year. I feel that even if they don't let him return right away... I'm ok with that now. I want there to be consequences... just not life-ruining ones, if at all possible. I'm counting on God's amazing ability to redeem all things. I know this isn't too big for Him. I go back and forth between being the loving mother wanting to rescue my son from what he's done to being the angry parent who wants to shake him so hard that his brains get knocked back into place. Is there such a thing as "Shaken 20-year-old" Syndrome? I want this lesson burned into the core of his being. Hopefully, I don't kill him in the meantime.
3. My mini-vacation at my mom's house was wonderful... and I'm just beginning another break ordained by God. My husband and oldest son are on a mission trip to Bolivia for the next ten days; my mother-in-law leaves Tuesday for 12 days to go take care of my baby nephew, and my father-in-law leaves Thursday for 10 days to go to Egypt with my nephew on his senior trip. That leaves just me and my 15-year-old, blissfully alone. Ahhhh.... breathing room.
4. I gave a burden to God that I'm working really hard at not taking back. It's so tempting. Please pray for strength for me.
5. This is going to sound really weird and random, but I'm going to write a novel. I found this awesome writer's website: www.nanowrimo.org. This seems really fun to me... and I'm allowed to procrastinate until November! I'm only telling you here because it's my public commitment. As the website says, "National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30." I'm kicking a story around in my head already... and I am going to work on an outline and start on some research soon. I have to research... ah-hem... artificial insemination and all that goes along with it. Intrigued? ;)
6. Out of the blue, our church land was paid off. It completely took us all by surprise- it was the dying wish of an elderly woman (who had never been to our church) who's adult children have attended since our launch. My husband went to sit with her several times before she died and had no idea she was going to do this. God. Is. Amazing. His confirmation continues to whisper in my ear that we are doing what He wants us to do, even though it's scary. I guess if it wasn't scary, it would be something we could've done on our own... and there's no chance of that here.
Blessings on you all~ and thank you for your prayers.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
i had to run away for a little while...
I've had enough of ministry, of family, of drama,of phone calls, emails,and messages. Of so many people living with me, making my plans,and bulldozing what I want to do.of trying to help my kid who has probably messed up the ministry he has felt called to since 9th grade.still waiting on the verdict of whether he can return to school in the fall.
So I escaped, for two days, to my parent's house in the mountains. I think I'm going to make a habit of this. Maybe when I get back home I'll be able to breathe again- at least for a few days.
Jesus help me make it through this with your grace and strength. I could use a sense of humor too. Sigh.
So I escaped, for two days, to my parent's house in the mountains. I think I'm going to make a habit of this. Maybe when I get back home I'll be able to breathe again- at least for a few days.
Jesus help me make it through this with your grace and strength. I could use a sense of humor too. Sigh.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The last thirty days, in retrospect, have shown me:
i am weak.
i am strong.
i trust God.
i don't trust God.
nothing else matters when your kid is hurting.
i'm ready to give up.
i'm ready to fight.
how much i need my mom.
how much i need my friends.
how much i love my kid.
how our family can band together.
i'm not over what i thought i was over.
how much more time i should spend in prayer than i currently do.
it hurts when your kids make the same kind of mistakes you did.
grace is unstoppable.
i desperately need someone to share with and my husband just doesn't get it.
i have to write.
god is showing us grace and mercy even when we aren't aware of it.
i am stuck.
i am set free.
you can't kill feelings.
sometimes it's a relief when a friendship ends.
i will probably never be alone in my house without someone else living here.
god has provided my house and i should stop complaining.
mojitos (in the privacy of my own home)as an escape device are not always a wise choice.
oh, and
bathing my 130 pound dog in the bathtub also gives me a bath.
i am strong.
i trust God.
i don't trust God.
nothing else matters when your kid is hurting.
i'm ready to give up.
i'm ready to fight.
how much i need my mom.
how much i need my friends.
how much i love my kid.
how our family can band together.
i'm not over what i thought i was over.
how much more time i should spend in prayer than i currently do.
it hurts when your kids make the same kind of mistakes you did.
grace is unstoppable.
i desperately need someone to share with and my husband just doesn't get it.
i have to write.
god is showing us grace and mercy even when we aren't aware of it.
i am stuck.
i am set free.
you can't kill feelings.
sometimes it's a relief when a friendship ends.
i will probably never be alone in my house without someone else living here.
god has provided my house and i should stop complaining.
mojitos (in the privacy of my own home)as an escape device are not always a wise choice.
oh, and
bathing my 130 pound dog in the bathtub also gives me a bath.
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