Perspective...

Two months out from surgery and a month out from the accident... things are looking much better. Life is calming down- sanity is returning. The painkillers have left my system. :) I have people I'm talking to when I need it. Profanities no longer threaten to burst out at physical therapy- I hit 114* last week with my ultimate goal of 120*. I have things I'm looking forward to and a great friend I trust.

Don't get me wrong, there are still ministry woes- in fact, I got cursed at in the church parking lot(rather loudly)just last Sunday by a friend who said our church was all platitudes and no action. I disagreed as lovingly as I could and tried to encourage her; then I stewed and fretted. That is, until a friend showed me that she is trying to fill the holes in her life with the church and with me- and feeling like people should be jumping to fill the needs when they don't realize there are any. And we will always fall short. The church is full of imperfect people... and I am in that church of imperfect people. I can't fix her. The church can't fix her. But God can. She admitted that she isn't in the word, isn't seeking, and I reminded her yesterday that she needed to be. Our relationship is tense and I dread every interaction with her. But I feel a little more empowered knowing that I'm not responsible for fixing her. That helps me.

My husband and I are going to get a little counseling as far as handling ministry issues like this and balancing our schedules so that we will finally have some family time. We haven't been doing a great job with the balancing act- working too many hours at the expense of our kids- putting "ministry" above our family because we feel like the work will never end and we'll just fall farther behind if we don't push through. We don't want to sacrifice our family on the alter of ministry- and I know that's not what God wants for us. But I feel like we're taking positive steps in the right direction- and I'm hoping both of us can let go of some unrealistic expectations that we have of ourselves and learn to say one simple little word: No.

In the midst of my life- whether I'm peaceful (like today) or stomping my foot and shaking my little fist at God- he is there. What a comfort.