Over a year ago...

I wrote these two posts about my brother's death:

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

11:22 pm: Sitting with my big brother at Hermann Memorial Hospital in Houston. He was an amazing man and he loved me and my sister so much. He took really good care of us and now it's our turn to take care of him. David was in a motorcycle accident on Saturday, February 9 and he died today with a traumatic brain injury. He is here as an organ donor and my sister and I are going to stay with him for the next 24 to 36 hours until he goes into his final surgery. We are holding his hands and making sure his toes stay warm and covered up and just being with him for a little bit longer. Perched on his pillow, there is a valentine on one side of his head and a picture of the three of us on the other side. I'm so glad I'm here- I wouldn't be anywhere else. I love you, DuDu. I'll see you in heaven...

2:30 am: Still here~David's final surgery has been pushed back from 3am to 5:30am due to the logistics of getting all the different transplant teams and surgeons that need to be here all here at the same time. We will have been here in the transplant center about 31 hours with him when he goes to surgery- fighting sleep and wanting to stay awake to be with him every second. So far, his amazing nurse Amy has placed his heart, his liver, his pancreas, and both kidneys. He has continued to stay on life support to keep his organs healthy and functioning, but he's clinically been gone since 6:25 yesterday afternoon. It's been so good to be here with him and continue to take care of him- and it's reassuring to still see his chest rising and falling for a little while longer. He is starting to look more like himself- the swelling in his face has gone down a lot in the past couple of days and that's reassuring too. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye when they come to get him in about 5 hours. Jesus, give us strength to let him go- we know he is already yours and happier than he's been in a long time. Thank you for the little bit of extra time we have had with him.

It's been 19 months since I wrote that and just this week, I got something in the mail that brought it all back- but in a sweet, tender way. I received a package from Carla, his wife with a note that said this:

"Angie, I was going through more boxes and found these. I thought you might like to have them. I didn't find anything for anyone else that he had saved. You were very special to Dave and he loved you very much! Carla"

Included in the package were random pictures I had drawn for him, valentines cards, pictures of me from camping trips (particularly the one where he was supposed to be watching me when I was 2 and I jumped off a picnic table and knocked out both my front teeth), and just all kinds of things a little sister gives her big brother. Here are a few samples:

A picture I drew at age 7 for him when David and my dad built our family dog Misty her dog house- Misty has a caption over her head that says, "I think this is my lucky day!"

A letter I wrote David when he was away at college that says, "Dear David, Merry Christmas! I love you very much. I hope you have a very merry Christmas with lots of silver bells and a stocking full of goodies. I am waiting up for Santa and will put in a good word for you! Lotsa' Love, Angie

There was a child's classroom valentine that I signed "To David from Angela your sister in 2nd grade."

There was a 1st grade spelling list from May 3, 1977 with all ten words listed out.

There were rhyming worksheets where I had to color the objects that rhymed (bat, cat).

There was a "God's Eye" craft that I made at Camp Pearl Wheat in Kerville, TX for him to hang in his car... which he did for a year or so.

There is a birthday card that I colored him when I was eight years old. Inside it says: "Dear Old Man, How do you feel? Let's get on with the business. I like you Mr. 20 year old man. Love, Angie"

There is the long letter I wrote him when I was 13 in 1982 that says in part, "Now I want you to enjoy yourself up there [in New Orleans where he had just moved], but henceforth frometh my lips cometh a command: Go git yerself a girlie! Open your mouth and ask one out for me, ok? Love, your charming, loveable, adorable, cute, sweet, pretty, funny and modest baby sister (angie)!"

And finally, my three favorite letters to him (and his pet peeves):

"Dear David, I am sory I steped on your foot! You know nobdoys perfete. Anyway I am realy sory!! Love Angie (I must have been in first or second grade- hence the spelling!)

This one is typed- I was maybe in 3rd grade and I walked into his room and saw his christmas present for me not yet wrapped sitting on his bed- it was a Crystal Gayle album: "To David. I forgot to knock again. Some Day I Will Learn! Please Forgive Me. Angela PS.I hope you like flowers, here are some for you: **********************************************************************************

Lastly, I must confess that I am a bread lover. Always have been. Apparently I like gravy as evidenced in the following letter, I think I was about 10 years old... it's in cursive, but not dated:
"Dear David, You know at supper? When you said all I do is eat bread and gravy? Well just right now I don't realy care if I have a big fat toe or I'm ten pounds over weight. If it irratates you just don't look at me! Love, Angie. PS: I really love you.

When I opened the envelope from Carla, I read her note and waited to look at anything until my husband could sit and look at it with me because I knew I would lose it. And I did... but it was sweet memories of a sweet relationship... my eyes are tearing now thinking of it and looking at these things again. Just to know that he saved them- he kept them all together in a box of things that I had given him and made for him... helps me, touches me, heals me. What a sweet, unexpected blessing.