Amazing Grace

I recently read one of my favorite blogs, Lori Wilhite's Leading and Loving It and it prompted me to look back at some of the things I've learned since we started this journey in 2005... some of it good, some of it is not so good. Although I'm still figuring out how to deal with this role I've been thrust into- it's good to look back and see a little growth and progress. Here are my thoughts so far:

I’m getting used to being introduced as “the pastor’s wife” and also getting used to people thinking I’m their personal counselor (still learning to draw boundries there).

I’m learning I can’t be everywhere and that I can’t make everyone happy. My husband can't make everyone happy. I’m learning that my main job is to support him and be there for my kids.

I’m learning not to take on my husband's stress as my own, and I’m learning that God is big enough to deal with whatever disaster I think is about to end my world or hurt His church.

I’m learning who my friends are and who they aren’t. I'm learning there are levels of friendship and it hurts for a long time when someone steps down a level because they don't understand the pressure of my situation or they are too pressured themselves to have time for anyone else. I’m learning that I can’t be as open as I used to be and that God has graced me with one girlfriend with whom I can be completely honest.

I'm learning that just because someone is in leadership it doesn't make them right. And it doesn't make them smarter or better able to hear God than I am. I'm learning, as wrong as it is, that there are politics in ministry and there are people who want to see you fail when they let their human emotions take over. I'm learning that it isn't my place to fix them or justify myself to them.

I'm learning there is competition between churches and that this hurts God.

I’m learning to speak up when I feel like He is telling me something and to shut up when I get close to putting my foot in my mouth.

I’m learning I don’t have to have a spotless house and that people are pleasantly surprised when they stop by and my living room has been turned upside down by my son and ten of his best friends... that non-perfect and "normal" are good. I am learning that I can’t stop walking my dog just because we’re busy… that she’s going to continue on the path to doggy morbid obesity unless I get us both out of the house every once in a while.

I am learning to let past hurts go and what it feels like when something rolls off your back because you chose to judge favorably rather than assume the worst. I am learning to forgive the deepest of hurts and to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made.

I am learning to pray for the people God loves that I don’t. I am learning not to listen to gossip and that serving makes my own personal aches and pains go away.

I am learning to love my husband in a different way... as my pastor. I am learning to absorb the unexpected blessings that God sends to us with grace and thanksgiving.

I am learning to really pray for someone when I say I’m going to pray for them.

Most importantly, I’ve learned that God has us here for a reason… even though it seems completely crazy.

And I’ve definitely learned to laugh and laugh and laugh, mostly at myself.

I am grateful for what God is doing in my life- and things seem a little easier when I look at them in terms of the positive. I am growing and learning and moving forward... even though sometimes I do it kicking and screaming and shaking my tiny fist at a great big God. He is so patient with the likes of me... what amazing grace.